(TW: sexual violence, coersion)
(Image by Alana Doberstein)
By Alana Doberstein
Under that
Damp stare
You don’t act
Like you care
Despite your phony words
My droning “entrepreneur”
With a razor blade tongue
You say I’m the crazy one
Guess it makes it more fun
For you
When you think you’re right
And I’ve nothing left
To fight
Vulnerability on my sleeve
I lose everything that’s me
Your vinegar’s in my veins
Inquisitor to my own disdain
You don’t stay in your lane
When you kiss me on your pedestal
Saying I’m too skeptical
People like you don’t get people like me
People like you set off sirens of dread
People like you never get in my head
But under that hued light, my brain has grown tired
Empty calls for nothing as I wilt into your secret fire
Talk down to me, darling
You know nobody hears my calling
Mother knows, and mother says
I’m just a little girl
Who’s lost her head
Little can she see the loving leeches in command
A glass body once caressed
Now rests putty under you
As you almost lose all over again
What pressure?
What pressure?
I know that you’re mocking me
I know you don’t understand me
Lusty only in the moment
Wish you loved me when not masochistic
Those holy scolds are so sadistic
Sighing, I say yes
I used up my no’s yesterday
Today I’m an ashtray
For if you get suspicious
I risk a malicious stare
You’ll call me a liar
And say I don’t care
Crystalized pressure
A prize for your pleasure
Can’t cry out of diamond eyes
My no’s lie silent, beckoned on by lies
How compliant I’ve become
All dressed up at the muzzle of your gun
You’ve got a hasty taste for virtue
Wishing I was chaste for your pursuit
I’ll undress for you
If we have nothing else to do
Meaty hands moist all for a lonely toy
Tender loins ready for you to pick and destroy
A self proclaimed soldier
Muddying me all over
I let you touch my spine
I lose my place to hide
Under your spotlight
I crawl into that hued light
Concealing my humiliation
When you call my name
All dressed up for all I disdain
Devouring screws
Is an hourly ruse
For the sore loser of New York
You love your pitchfork
Poised with my flaws
Exploited for your own applause
What misconstrued notions
Ridded with a ridiculous devotion
When a no made me too innocent
I swallowed all our differences
You get off on my ignorance
You wish I was your instrument
What a dull predicament
Funny that you think you’re worth it
That you think you’re so deserving
In my eyes you’re not a man
Have I ruined your perfect plan?
In my eyes you’re just a boy
Hunting for a lonely toy
You won’t lose me to exposure
I own this story in full disclosure
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